Thursday, July 14, 2011

Independence and gone to Hell :-), kinda!

On the climbing rock at Independence Lake.

The kids and I began our weekend (9 - 11th July) in our normal manner - driving! The hour drive each week is SO no fun and with the heat it makes it even worse. If there is anything that could at least make it manageable it is the time to talk and listen to the kids about how they have been doing. The hardest thing about not being with the kids everyday is just that - everyday you miss so many things. As a Dad you miss seeing them get up, have breakfast, lunch, play, dinner and so on. Even though I have them every weekend it is like the kids and I have two separate lives - one with me and one that they have when they are with Mom. I guess that I get that to a degree but the problem for me is that I so miss them when I am not with them and phone calls (of which - Jacob's voicemail is normally not working), text message and even message on facebook are such a hallow way to have a relationship with your children. Most of the time I don't hear from the kids during the time they with their Mom and that is really tough. Sometimes you feel like each visit is a "new starting point". In some way it is like having a wound that never really heals - during the time that we are together things are wonderful but then inevitably once they go to their Mom's it is like having your first girlfriend brake up with you again.

For me the worst part of this has been the "change" in my relationship with the kids. With Knoah there was a time when Knoah and I would get up every morning and he would play Wii Fit as I got ready for work. We would talk, play and most important for me we simply were together. Having witnessed Knoah be taken during a c-section while he was not breathing and then seeing him have two "blue episodes" where he stopped breathing again it has, since that time, given me pause to enjoy every second that I have near him. With Jacob - er . . . He is becoming a "teenager" with all of the opinions, attitude and posture. I know that I am missing being there as an example for him each day and while I try - it's hard not to feel that it is enough. Plus - with Jacob it is really bothering me being unemployed as I am very afraid that he can get the opinion that it is alright for men not to work and support there children - which nothing could be further from the truth. Hannah - I so miss my Princess. She has become much more confrontational with Jacob and she and I have really been talking about how she needs to make sure that she does not blame him or try and start problems with him. It is much more difficult not being near your children than what anyone can ever imagine. I have talked to some friends that I know on facebook that are divorced and see there kids every other weekend and amazingly nobody can answer this question for me: "does it ever get any better, leaving or not being with your children?" So far nobody can give me and answer except that - "oh, you get used to it". I keep praying and hoping that I will but - then I think, I don't want to get used to being away from my children or feeling like we have to re-set our relationship every few days. Some days are harder than others. Not to long ago a girl I went to high school posted this as her "status" ~LIFE MAY NOT LEAD YOU WHERE YOU WANT...BUT HAVE FAITH THAT YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE MEANT TO BE~ and I am honestly making an effort to do that but I keep falling back to this question: "so, I am meant to be away for my kids the majority of the time?" I know that isn't the meaning but - it is really, really, really hard missing your children.

For the weekend we really decided that we would have fun and with the heat we would stay in the water as much as possible. Saturday - once we made it home we spent the afternoon in the pool with Hannah leading the play and Knoah demanding that he gets to be the shark. We then went to Lincoln School park to play for a bit and were fortunate enough to run into a friend of ours, Michelle and her dog Roxie. After a late dinner we watched the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid Movie - "Roddrick Rules" which was actually very funny.

On Sunday we got the kids up early and took them for a really cool surprise as we went to Independence Lake for a day of swimming, play and frolic at the "water park"! The kids were so excited to get into the water and even though Knoah struggled with the water park at first because he hates to have water splash in his face, he adjusted and had so much fun!

Hannah, Me and Knoah in the water at Independence Lake.

Jacob loved playing in the water and we had so much fun tackling each other and playing with the seaweed - the seaweed that the kids thought would look good as a nice "hairstyle" for me!

Knoah playing in the water area at Independence Lake.

Hannah, Knoah and Jacob in the water play area.

After spending nearly six hours outside playing at the Lake we decided to head home. Laura really wanted to go visit "Hell" . . . well, Hell, Michigan that is and so we made the short twenty minute drive to Hell to take in the sights. On purpose, just like going to the lake, this was kept as a surprise from the kids. Earlier in the year we started going through a book called, "Weird Michigan". The book details several sights in Michigan that are unusual and weird. We have went to the sights around us and have been able to read the book before going and then have taken pictures at the sites. Hell (MI) was on page 54 - 55 so . . . there we were - in Hell. Knoah - decided that he would fall asleep and then simply not wake up until we were gone from Hell (maybe he is smarter than the rest of us). But - for Jacob and Hannah it was a great chance to get some pictures and see some neat sites.

Jacob . . . . the Bigfoot!

Hannah . . . . the "Little Devil" . . . .

We ended up getting home late and ended up going straight to bed. The next morning, with Laura off to work, the kids and I spent the remainder of the day together playing Wii, swimming, playing with the turtle and then heading to Monroe to end our time for the weekend. Of course it was great and awesome and everything I wish. Of course - the drive home was the same too except it wasn't so awesome.

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