. . . . . ya know, life is WONDERFUL . . .

It has been a long while since I wrote anything - after promising myself that I would be more active - HA! Guess that I need to work on improving.  Well, improving on the blog that is.  In life - I am super happy right now and I have started to understand why. 

A while back I made the decision that I needed to be more "positive" with my general outlook and acceptance about things.  It wasn't that I was walking around angry and bitter but I was spending too much time thinking about things I couldn't correct or control.  Yep, I don't have the amount of money I want and geez . . . bills suck. Yep, I go for days and days without getting a return call or text from the kids and that sucks. But - none of these things are something that I can control and all I can do is be the best person that I am suppose to be, right?

One of the biggest changes that I decided to make was to stop from reading so many political blogs. Honestly, my "favorites" section on Internet explorer had more than forty blogs that I would read or look at daily. I also decided to give up talk radio in favor of K-Love (96.9). Both of these decisions have greatly helped me learn to walk away from thoughts and feelings that I have about the behavior of others and has given me "prospective". I have wrestled with this idea of "prospective" for a long time and even renamed this blog because of it. I, just like everyone else, have to contend with the idea that it, "prospective" is an ever evolving creature and one that can only be seen clearly with a firm foundation. K-Love, the music and commentary, has really helped me start building a better foundation or rather a more clear foundation.

Laura has been and remains nothing short of AMAZING and I can't express to her in words how much I appreciate and love her. During the past two years she has stood beside me and supported me more than I ever thought possible. She is an terrific mother and I am proud to call her, "my girl"! She has reminded me of the things that are important to me; my kids, family and believing / feeling that I am doing something helpful with my life.

I feel so happy and thankful for the great things that I have been granted; Jacob, Hannah, Knoah, Ethan and of course; Laura Leigh! My position at work is wonderful and I love what I do so it is much less work than something that fulfills my desire to feel as if I am helping.

Work has led me to meet some wonderful people and thinks to one of them, I have been nominated for a terrific opportunity that would be a great honor for me. The lead agency that is my program granter, has nominated me to apply for the American Express Leadership Academy. The program ran by American Express is a year long commitment that begins with "pre-conference" work before being invited to New York for a week to learn from professionals with American Express on how to integrate non-profits, NGOs and the corporate community. I am humbled just to have been nominated to apply and will be awestruck if I am accepted. There are only 48 persons a year admitted and if by God's blessing, I happen to be one of them, WOW. . . how cool is that!

There have been somethings that, in the past, would have been a "set back" for me; Knoah needing to be admitted into U of M (more on that later), not hearing from the kids, bills that seem to "pile up" but . . . they have not only been taken in stride they have each been good learning experiences for me.

I believe the biggest change has occurred for one reason - I have made the decision to commit myself to being the man that God would like me to be and to ask him for direction and assistance. I am so very thankful that he has accepted my apologies for my past behavior.

I have begun to surround myself with positive things and the one that has been most easily recognized has been in the music I listen to. Since I have switched to K-Love, I have found a whole new genre of music that is becoming more and more important to me for it's meaning and outlook. So - that is where I am. I am happy, content, satisfied and in love! Life is well.

Some of the songs / artist that have become important to me:


Bandon Heath - I'm not who I was


Tenth Avenue North - Losing


Big Daddy Weave - Redeemed

Enjoy! 

". . . . ticking away . . . . "

". . . ticking away, the moments that make up a dull day . . . . You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way . . . you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking . . . . and waiting around, it comes up behind you again . . . the the sun is the same in a relative way but your older and shorter of breath and one day closer to death . . . "

(Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon)

So - Mothers Day 2012 has now passed and I am working 68 plus hours a week and have one day off (Saturday) to kinda plan on what I was going to do for Laura on this her first Mother's Day and what I could "encourage" or help Jacob, Hannah and Knoah do for their Mom. Which means, for anyone that knows me . . . . I am a bit stressed! I feel like I have been "chasing" the sun and . . . well . . he / she is winning! Not "winning" like Charlie Sheen was but . . . really, "winning".

I have had to cram a lot of "thought" into what I wanted to do for Mother's Day in a short amount of time and sadly . . . I will be working on Sunday but . . . that does not mean I can't be thoughtful, right? So - Laura was a great help and decided that she knew what she wanted (which to be fair is actually cooler than what I thought about getting her) so I got her a case for her newest toy (an iPhone) with a photo of Ethan and Snickers (see below) on it from Easter. I also know that I will make her breakfast and deliver it in bed with fresh flowers.

I am going to help Jacob, Hannah and Knoah put together a photo montage for their Mom and want to make sure that I encourage them to be "extra nice" to her on Mother's Day.

So . . . what have I been up to? I feel like after the last couple of blogs that I have kinda veered into being a bit of a cry baby when . . . nothing could be further from the truth. I am really enjoying myself right now.

I have an audition coming up with a band that plays my kinda music . . . . . which is to say . . . blues rock. I am not counting my chickens before they hatch but I am really excited about this. In talking with the guitar player it's kinda funny that he and I have not crossed paths in life at some point. Although he is a few years younger than me (three to be exact) he grew up in one of the most wonderful towns in America . . . . yep, Monroe! We are looking at some really cool music (OK, if your an old cat that digs BB King, Albert King, the Black Crowes and the likes of folks like that . . . you would dig it). Anyhow . . . keep your fingers crossed . . . . :-)

Since . . . . nearly forever . . . I have not been feeling all that great so a couple of weeks ago we went to the Blissfield train days and in walking around I became pretty winded and made the kids a promise that I would go to the doctors. Well . . . I kept my promise and found out that I actually have had pneumonia for a while which is not really all that wonderful. They gave me some antibiotics for it, a bunch of shots and did some blood work, EKG, chest x-ray and some other poking and prodding. I felt pretty good for a couple of days but have seemed to go back to where I was. I am planning on calling a doctor soon and will find out what is up. I know I should be a bit more worried because of the symptoms but . . . . to be fair . . . . I am just not that stressed about it, ya know.

Summer is coming and I have been looking at how can I spend as much time doing things that I really . . . . enjoy and at the same time . . . work to make the money I need. I have concluded that while this isn't possible I will still try! I am going to take several "long weekends" so that I can spend time with the Jacob, Hannah and Knoah and the Ethan-ator with me all day! This will be really helpful for me on so many levels.

I have already started planting some flowers in pots (as I do every year) and they are starting to sprout which makes me really happy . . . I have always loved planting flowers and taking care of the yard. In the course of my adult life one of my biggest "man prides" was a pond a pond that we once had that had fish and flowers all around it . . . vines growing and flowers blooming with a fountain and fish . . . . it was way cool! We have a ton of flowers starting to come up around the house and I still have a more seeds that I want to get into the ground . . . I am really looking forward to seeing things bloom.

Hannah's dance was awesome and very sad at the same time. My daughter is growing up and this is . . . . . so sad for me. Jacob asked me if I would go with him on his class trip to Cedar Point in June and I am trying to get the money together to take him. He is going to go with me in June when I got to Chicago for five days for a conference. Both he and I are really excited about this.

Ethan had his nine month doctors appointment and continues to do "amazing". He is standing and (honestly) trying to take a step. He has already said his first word . . . yep, "da da". He is now eating more "human food" and is in the 95% in all of his development!

What else could I discuss about my life right now . . . . . not much, honest. Things are going pretty good. I still have a ton of things that I need to take care of and I will do that as time goes on but I do see that things can become the way that I want someday . . . . I just need to take baby steps and I will get there!

Stolen Post Alert! !

   So, Hannah has her first "Father / Daughter Dance coming up this weekend and last night while working my second job she "texted" me photos of the dress she is going to wear.  It was wonderful to see this and to feel a "part of it all" but . . . it highlighted the very fact that . . . I am really not in so many ways a "part of it".  With working two jobs I am now getting the kids on Saturday and spending just one night with them to only take them home around two on Sunday's.  Of course . . . this is not something that brings me joy but . . . I know it is a necessity and really I have no choice.  The trouble is that it always brings up that internal struggle of . . . how can I be a good dad when I am not there? 

With that in mind, I found an article that I wanted to share.  So - here is "Being a Good Divorced Dad Means Not Giving Up On Your Kids" by Jeffery M. Leving.  I will admit that I pilfered this post from the "Father's Rights Blog" (see link at the bottom). 

Being a good divorced dad means not giving up on your kids

By Jeffery M. Leving

Most divorced fathers want to spend as much time as possible with their children but oftentimes, for a variety of reason, feel they can’t.

Being a “Good Divorced Dad” oftentimes depends on how much time a father is able to commit to their children. It’s one of the topics I address in detail in my new book, which comes out this Spring, “How to be a Good Divorced Dad: Preventing the Divorce Process and Its After effects from Hurting Your Relationship with Your Children.”

Sometimes, the causes that prevent divorced fathers from becoming good dads have to do with the provisions of the divorce agreement, limiting the time they can spend with their children. Other times, the factors involve personal hurt or lack of self-esteem caused by the divorce. You may be a father physically but not in the spirit that allows you to put the strength and time into it that is required.

In many cases, divorced dads accept a restricted role that is often imposed on them by these circumstances.

But you can change that and you can be a great divorced dad who becomes a role model for your children for years to come.

My book walks fathers through the process of identifying the obstacles that prevent divorced fathers from protecting their relationship with their children.

I call them the Seven Deadly Sins of failed divorced fatherhood. They are: the terms of the custody agreement; orders of protection; financial problems; legal trickery; gender bias; guilt; and anger.

In each instance, there is a strategy to improve the amount of time you spend with your children and to improve the quality of that time.

For example, in the case of having to live under the terms of a very restrictive custody agreement, you can become available to your ex-wife to assist her by being there to help with the children. Too often, the personal animosity that results from many divorces prevents this, but your children need you.

You have to watch for opportunities when your ex-spouse will need help with the children and be there to take advantage of the opportunities. And you have to strategically think about how you approach this, not feed into the anger.

You may be hurt about the divorce. Your ex-wife may be a vengeful person. You need to control your own emotions for the benefit of your children. Why allow your former spouse’s anger to impact your relationship with your children?

A good lawyer will also be able to help with the language in your custody agreement to facilitate opportunities to increase contact with your children. They can be built into the agreement.

In each of these challenges you will want to insure that the time spent with your children is quality time. You need to work on that, but there are methods to help you do that. Planning your time with your children will vastly improve the relationship.

Having a competent, experienced attorney at your side will help avoid many of these challenges, such as avoiding an order of protection that is based on false allegations against you. Many father are coerced by guilt and a gender-biased system into believing that they must admit to fault when there is none.

My book has a list of questions divorced dads can answer to help make them stronger and more effective divorced dads. Knowing them. Thinking about them. And answering them will help improve your experience with your children.

The point is don’t give up. Control the process of divorce in order to control your relationship. And make sure your rights are properly represented when you begin the divorce.

(Named one of “America’s Best Lawyers” by Forbes Radio, Jeffery Leving is the author of two ground-breaking books, Fathers’ Rights and Divorce Wars. He can be reached at www.DadsRights.com.)

In all fairness, this article would be best for fathers getting ready for a divorce but . . . it still gives me some hope.  I have always maintained that I don't believe in divorce and still to this day find it destructive and harmful. 

Looking back now on my divorce and thinking about the Seven Deadly Sins of failed divorced fatherhood. They are: the terms of the custody agreement; orders of protection; financial problems; legal trickery; gender bias; guilt; and anger.  I know that I was greatly impacted by not having full financial disclosure prior to and during the divorce and I should have done this.  I also know that, while the term "legal trickery" is a "strong" term . . . it fits once you consider that the "divorce agreement" you signed is not the one that gets "reprinted" and turned into the court and that this one . . . gets mailed to an address that you have not lived at in ten months . . . . call it whatever . . it sure sucked.  Guilt and anger . . . sure.  What man does not feel guilty that he has failed? 

Of all the things that I think I have learned the one that I would share with others is that if your are going to divorce . . . get an attorney.  It's OK to want to be "nice" and work things out by yourself but . . . even with the best of intentions the odds are stacked against you.  Gaining legal disclosure would have helped me so much and would have, I believe, also benefited my relationship with the kids.

Still . . . most of this is my "thoughts and opinions" but the one thing that I know for sure is that Mr. Leving's book can be bought on Amazon for 4.26.  Mine will be here next week . . . . I hope it helps . . . . :-)

http://fatherslegalrights.blogspot.com/

Amy joined the "27" club and we all lost :-(

I love music and from as early as I can remember I had a passion for female singers. I used to joke that I would give anything to have Toni Braxton, Randi Crawford, Anita Baker or Etta James sing me the phonebook. Over the years the list have grown to include some women with beautiful talent. Today - that list became just a bit shorter with the passing of Amy Winehouse.

It seemed from the beginning the beautiful, talented woman was on a path of destruction and today it seems she has ended her journey. Irrespective of your thoughts or feelings about her music or her public image she was amazingly talented and she will be greatly missed.

It saddens me that Mrs. Winehouse is gone but it is also a not so sutle reminder of that we all to often lose some of the greatest artist at a young age. Ironically, 27 seems to be the "magic" number for many. Twenty-seven is the age that the world lost; Robert Johnson, Brian Jones, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Alan Wilson, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Peter Ham and "Pig Pen" just to name a few.

RIP Mrs. Winehouse and may God Bless your family and friends - we will miss you.

Here is my personal favorite song that I would like to share, "Tears Dry on Their Own" - I doubt the tears caused by today's sad news will dry anytime soon. :-(.

. . . . offically scared . . . .

It's now been over ninety-days since I was last employed. This is the longest I have ever been without a job. Truth is that I have NEVER been unemployed for more than two weeks since I was sixteen and stared working at Nortel Lanes bowling alley in Monroe, MI.

As a young man I worked as a caddie during the summer when I was 13 - 15 to make money. Then once I turned sixteen I began working as a stock-boy, "runner" at Nortel Lanes. Since that time I have never not had a job. Even when I left the military in 1992, I found employment within days of leaving.

I have filled out in excess of 150 applications in either hard copy or on line format and while I have had three interviews for positions I have not gotten a job offer.

It is really terrifying because at this point I have exhausted my savings and I feel a bit like a slug. I have not been able to get unemployment at this point.

Wednesday afternoon I was at the unemployment office and I was talking to one of the workers there and expressing to her my frustration. She - very nicely - said to me that yeah - it's frustrating but you have to look at it from the prospective of the employer: "your "middle age" (43), have a lot of experience as a director and as a program coordinator and of course you are on probation as a result of the misdemeanor assault you pled guilty to so many of the employers would rather higher someone half your age for half the money". WOW - it wasn't encouraging but it was honest.

It's crazy - in the last three years America's unemployment rate has not been below seven percent. Not to mention the State of Michigan's rate has remained at or over ten percent for much of that time.

So - I am officially scared. I am trying to be as optimistic as possible but to be honest - each day is a struggle. I know that I have great things in my life to be thankful for and while I am thankful I am also cautious in known that unless I can find or create an opportunity in the very near future . . . . wow . . . like I said, I am scared.



Nortel Lanes:

http://www.bowlnortel.com/

Bureau of Labor Statistics:

http://data.bls.gov/timeseries/LNS14000000

Information on my Termination from the ALCC in Monroe:

http://monroetalks.com/forum/index.php?topic=7812.0

It's cool . . . because it's random . . .

Happy things that I found around the house (and one outside the house) this morning before the kids awoke to face the day.



Hannah's "sailing painting" in the bathroom.



Hannah's "Popsicle" book marks.



More of the "Popsicle" book marks by Hannah.



Hannah's "Lion's Rule" drawing.



Hannah's "Tiger's Rule" drawing.



Hannah's "Bull" drawing.



Hannah's "Rainbow Lion".



My car door - Thanks to Hannah!



Hannah's "Blue's Clues" for Knoah.



Jacob and Hannah drawing from Chuckie Cheese.



Knoah and Me drawing from Chuckie Cheese.



Good memories.

"Jake the Snake's" MoJo is . . . "GGGGGREAT" for the Lions (even if Tony the Tiger said it!).

OK - let's be clear here . . The Detroit Lions are one of the oldest National Football League franchise. History has seen the Lions as both great and well, for the majority of my 42 years on this earth, horrible. But . . thanks to a creative, thoughtful, intelligent and insightful eleven year old boy, things are (as Bob Dylan sang) "a change'n".

We can all play the little game of "why" the future looks bright for the Lions and well, maybe, drafting Matt Stafford, Javid Best and Ndamukong Suh has "helped" the cause - a little. But, I for one, know that the real cause for the new "sunny" forecast for the Lions (in addition to the win over the Amazingly talented and highly respected, Cleveland Browns on the 28th of August (Lions 35, Browns 27)) is due first and foremost to the game changing pre-season tradition brought forward by "Jake the Snake"! Yes, were it not for his ingestion of "Lion's Kick Off Crunch" and the prayers, wishes and dreams laid forth to the football God's (all hail Vince Lombardi and those who have hoisted his trophy) the Lion's would not have such a rosy outlook as they approach this season!

Yeah - deny the power of a boy and his dream!


"Snakeman" - Jacob Matthew Reagan Sweat . . With his magical "Kick-Off" Crunch!

Notice: No commitment to victory or future winning is predicted and or anticipated by this writer. This prose was crafted with the full intent of offering forth one of the few viable services this writer may possess - sarcasm. The reader would like to remind everyone that at the end of each day the team wearing the Honolulu Blue, Silver and Black are still owned by William Clay Ford (no offense intended - in fact, I own a Ford and Mr. Ford if you somehow hear about this entry - I think you are a great owner who has had misfortune since you purchased the team in 1964 and that such misfortune is neither something you could control or something you caused. In fact, Mr. Ford, may I say . . if you are searching for a personal valet or any other underling role within the Ford Dynasty . . please feel free to contact your humble servant at the blog) and are still . . The Lions.

The "Trifecta of Terrible" (or just ironically funny)

Ya know, I am pretty happy with my life right now. I am employed at a facility that I believe in the message and mission of what we do. I am working (kinda - but not too hard) to lose the weight I have gained in the last nine months. I have gained some really wonderful friends over the last nine months and have reconnected with some terrific people that I knew in childhood (btw: Ronnie - got your message, your right and I honestly take your advice - have not had time to respond but I will - thx you, sir). Although I did not think it possible I have grown to adore my children even more (although I still wish I could see them more often). I am looking at graduate school and am committed to ensuring that I enroll. With the help and guidance of others I am at peace with where I am in life and where I would like to be heading. I have accepted responsibility for my actions without equivocation and have asked for forgiveness from those I have hurt. I am, I pray, headed in the right direction and although I know it will be a bumpy ride from time to time it is still the right direction. Then . . . it happens! Those events that let you know - yeah, the "goodness gods" still want to mess with you and just like celebrity deaths it comes in three's! (OK - yes, I am being funny and sarcastic - don't read into it!).

First, over the last few weeks at work one of my co-workers has been enjoying building a world and life for "Crockey" and his family. "Crockey" is a crocodile that, I would assume, was born in a toy factory (most likely in China) and migrated to the states to raise a family. Sadly, Crockey was "Crocknapped" and a ransom note was sent to the owner along with elaborate instructions. Thankfully the reptile has been returned. However, the issue here is that somehow I have been made a suspect in this devious adventure! OK; I admit that I am a bit of a prankster but - in the words of "Shaggy" - It wasn't me! Although, I do enjoy hanging out with "Crockey" - I would never stoop so low to rip a father from his family - geez, cut me some slack, people!

Me and "Crockey" in better days when I was not a suspect in the "Crocknapping" caper!

Now putting the whole - "rubber reptile for ransom" thing aside the second thing was the near loss of "freaky chimp" (to be referred to as "FC" from this point forward). Jacob managed to con me into (no, it wasn't that hard) getting him this little chimp that has light up eye's and makes a really odd and scary noise when it's button is pressed.

Jacob was enjoying "FC" (to the dismay of others) and while we were spending some time walking through downtown Dundee after dinner he decided to have a seat with "FC" on a park bench. Sadly, "FC" is very skinny and his (or her) butt was not big enough to maintain an upright seating position and "FC" fell through the bench and into the storm drain. (OK - yes, my first reaction was; "awww, sorry Jacob" all the while quietly and silently singing in my head; "Ding, dong the chimp is gone, the chimp is gone, the chimp is gone, ding dong the freaky chimp is gone"). Sadly, my euphoria of only lasted a mili-second as Jacob then looked at me, nearly in tears and exclaimed . . . "you gotta get him back"! The only think that would have made this moment any more like a Lassie movie would have been if he had included, "Pa" at the end of his statement. So, of course . . . I grabbed the storm drain and (thankfully) was able to pull it off and rescue the creature that I don't like; yeah me!

Then it came time to encounter the third thing that would make up, the "Trifecta of Terrible". Earlier in the summer I picked up a pool for the kids and put it on my back deck (concrete - don't stress) so everyone (yes, including me) could stay nice and cool. The first pool did not work out too well at my house as it was too big and decided to run, actually, roll away - rolling off the deck and down the hill toward the creek that runs behind my house! (Yes, it's funny - NOW - at the time, not so much!). So, I packed that one up and sent it to stay with the kids at Mom's house as the backyard there can accommodate it. I purchased another pool that has been wonderful till now.

The problem, really, isn't the pool but maybe me in this case. I have made it a habit of feeding the birds and cats that are in the area (OK - I live out in the country and there are cats - not mine, maybe not anyone - I don't know . . but, Hannah and I like watching them (actually, Hannah likes watching them and I like watching her) so I have been feeding them - clear enough?). Creating this "animal" haven has cost me and is the third in the trifecta. How is that, well, one of the local critter's must have needed a drink and thought that the hose to the pool was a nice place to get water! So, when we arrived home I found the pool draining out the hose from the "bite marks" left! Thanks - whomever (or whatever) you are!

Week of living . . . at work . . .

The kids were with Grandpa Frank from the 5th to the 8th of August so I figured now was the time to pick up some "extra hours" at work . . So, my schedule became:

Thursday 5 Aug - 16.5 Hours
Friday 6 Aug - 16.5 Hours
Saturday 7 Aug - 16.5 Hours
Sunday 8 Aug - 10 Hours
Monday 9 Aug - 16.5 Hours
Tuesday 10 Aug - 16.5 Hours
Wednsday 11 Aug - 16.5 Hours
Thursday 12 Aug - 16.5 Hours
Friday 13 Aug - 8 Hours and then pick up the kids! !

Totaled more than 97 hours this week! Yeah, it's a bit psychotic but what the heck. I was able to call the kids everyday - too bad Jacob did not keep his phone with him, but they got my voice mails and I FB messaged them everyday so that they knew they are in my thoughts and that I missed them.

What a week . . . and it will all be worth it come Friday afternoon at 5:00!

Quiet Day . .

Today, less than a month into this whole "blog" thing I am violating one of my own rules. I am posting something without letting it sit for 48 hours. Good news is that what I am posting is simple . . Man, it's quiet without the kids around on a weekend and boy do I ever miss them!

Called them a couple of times, e-mailed a couple of times. Planted some flowers, did some work and took a walk in the woods (note the photo's above and below). But, I wish I would have been with them today. Of course, I also wish . . . .