An open letter to Elise Foley (Immigration and Politics Reporter – The Huffington Post) on Immigration

An open letter to Elise Foley (Immigration and Politics Reporter – The Huffington Post): 

I read with great interest the article written by Ms. Foley at the Huffington Post on 21 August 2015 titled, “Immigration Activist Renew Focus On Local Battles After National Disappointments” and subtitled, “We’re ready to fight”.   My interest comes first as a compassionate person with over 17 years working in the non-profit world and secondly as the father of five.  I am a veteran of the U.S. Army, the first of my siblings to attend and graduate from college and have always found myself drawn to the ideal of treating everyone with respect, responsibility, trust and help.  Sometimes holding such wishful ideals has opened me to criticisms of being naïve and at times I have been manipulated by those I worked to help.  Through it all I have maintained the thought that trying to assist the larger population that deserves respect off-sets those who willingly manipulate and abuse the good will of those wishing to be of assistance.  Of course through the years I have changed many of my thoughts and feelings on a variety of social issues but my core still demands that all citizens are treated with respect, responsibility, trust and help. 

After reading your column Ms. Foley, I took some time to reflect on what was written and wondered if you shared the same values for everyone.  I believe, like Pres. Obama, that words have meanings and that it truly matters how they are written and or spoken and as I read your column I was struck at just how the meaning and intent of words were not treated with the respect and responsibility I would hope they deserve.  Early in the column the presentation was made that, And after activists helped convince more than 300 jurisdictions in recent years to limit cooperation between police and Immigration and Customs Enforcement, an outcry against those so-called "sanctuary cities" threatens to halt that progress.  Trouble is that there is no “so-called” to the term “sanctuary cities”.   The Center for Immigration Studies website (cis.org) list maps of cities, counties and states that they title “sanctuary” and as you know, they are not alone in using this term.  Your column cited the tragic murder of Ms. Stienle in San Francisco as part of the backlash against such policies and the fact is that the City of San Francisco ordinance is titled “Sanctuary Ordnance” at the City and County of San Francisco’s webpage.  There really is no “so-called” but rather an honest, overt passage of ordinances by municipalities to label their city as a “sanctuary” so it’s confusing that you don’t acknowledge what they clearly do.

The column discussed how, advocates with United We Dream and Immigrant Legal Resource Center are circulating a toolkit to groups around the country that support immigrant rights with advice for how to fight collaboration between ICE and local police, which they say is putting their communities at risk.

Their plan came after a phone call in June, when activists lamented that they were still losing community members to deportation.   I find it startling that two groups, one made up largely of legal professionals, could openly promote a “toolkit” with the intention of helping local municipality’s subvert the application of laws within the United States.  Consider that what is being promoted is requesting that local communities disengage from open and honest conversations with our Federal Law Enforcement Agencies in an effort to subvert the enforcement of our existing laws.  I am sensitive to the idea of civil disobedience and acknowledge that some laws seem very unjust however it is confusing that credentialed officers of the court would willingly engage in promoting the open defiance of the very laws they were sworn to uphold.   Further I find the use of the term “fight” as an odd, shall we say, micro-aggression, instead of showing respect and responsibility for the laws of the United States we now have folks who not only advocate the open defiance of them but demand a “fight” against those who have a Constitutional duty to enforce and uphold such laws.  Sure I know that some will say a minority group and those advocating for such a group can’t be guilty of a “micro-aggression” but when the term “fight” is used and it is coupled with an open demand that local communities cease from assisting our federal officials just how is that not an aggressive behavior?  In reality when your column proudly stated, Activists helped take down the Secure Communities program, the implication is clear that there exist and aggressive demand to dismantle or ignore the laws of the United States and to “take down” those things which are found objectionable by a minority group.  Again I do understand and have great reverence for social disobedience but to a great number of Americans such open defiance appears to be nothing short of a hostility to the laws and law enforcement agencies of our society and I question if those advocating such policies truly understand how disrespectful, unhelpful, irresponsible and untrustworthy what they are advocating comes across to a great number of Americans.  Maybe it is naive but I believe the majority of Americans wish to do nothing but live peacefully under the law and wish to have all of our community follow the grand societal contract of shared values so eloquently written about by Alexis de Tocqueville in “Democracy in America” and we are finding that shared commonality and values in grave conflict with the aggressive demands of those who advocate open defiance against not only our laws but those commissioned with upholding them.  I found it odd that your column stated, A number of jurisdictions decided to stop respecting ICE hold requests in recent years based on concerns that working with ICE could damage relationships with the immigrant community.  Stating this admits that relationships are damaged by action yet the jurisdictions you cite seem to have no concern with the damage failing to uphold the law has on the great many of Americans who in our hearts still strive for the shared values of respect, responsibility, trust and help. 

In your column it was communicated that the murder of Ms. Kathryn Stienle in San Francisco became a time of reflection for many.  I believe that your writing again reflected a dismissive tone as you asserted, So-called sanctuary cities became a flashpoint after the fatal shooting of 32-year-old Kathryn Steinle in San Francisco last month, allegedly at the hands of an undocumented immigrant who had been deported five times.  Again, there is no “so-called” with regards to sanctuary cities, particularly with regards to San Francisco and the idea that Mr. Juan Francisco Lopez-Sanchez is somehow “allegedly” responsible for Ms. Stienles death ignores not only the witnesses, including the victim’s father, but also ignores Mr. Lopez-Sanchez own admission that he killed Ms. Stienle.  I respect the idea under our system of justice that those charged with a crime are presumed innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt however in this instance referring to Mr. Lopez-Sanchez as being “allegedly” responsible is fascinatingly dismissive.  While I am more than willing to give you the benefit of the doubt in believing that you would extend the idea of “innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt” I can’t do the same for the editorial staff of your employer, the Huffington Post.  A simple “Google” search showed countless articles where police officers involved in shootings were not given the same presumption of innocent and while I believe that is perfectly acceptable because it reflects the accuracy of the story, softening the language in the case of the murder of Ms. Stienle and calling the perpetrator of that crime as being “allegedly” the shooter seems odd to say the least.  As I wrote earlier, I believe that words matter and it struck me that in your article you willfully skirted the responsibility you have as a writer to help the reader with regard to Ms. Stienles murder.  While I believe you correctly mentioned that her death was a moment of reflection for those advocating changes to immigration law and you mentioned the what (murder of Ms. Stienle), where (San Francisco), and how (gunshot) you intentionally or inadvertently left out the “whom” with regards to the actual witnessed, arrested, charged and by his own words admitted perpetrator:  Mr. Juan Francisco Lopez-Sanchez.   Even more troubling to me is that while the murder of Ms. Stienle is seen as an impediment for those advocating changes to immigration laws by Mr. Lopez-Sanchezs own admission to San Francisco television station (ABC 7) he knew San Francisco to be not a “so-called” sanctuary city but a real place of sanctuary where he would not be pursued by immigration officials.  Full disclosure, I don’t believe, should be subjected to a selective telling of the facts and inadvertently or not, that is what I have taken away from your column. 

The reporting that the House of Representatives have voted to block federal law enforcement grants to communities that provide sanctuary for those deemed illegal aliens (which, offensive or not is the actual term under the law) was left hanging open without telling that in truth such actions by Congress is relatively typical.  I am old enough to remember when our Congress voted to withhold funding to states that failed to pass a fifty-five mile an hour speed limit and the use of such “carrots” (withholding or providing more support) was a big part of the Affordable Care Act. 

I am open to discussing and hearing any and all voices regarding the desire to change, amend or completely rid ourselves of some of the current immigration laws.  Yet, I honestly struggle when I read columns such as the one you wrote for the Huffington Post that I believe not only softens the language intentionally but willfully leaves out a complete telling of the truth. 

Americans, I believe, are compassionate people and without question we have an amazing history of welcoming others and of accepting different cultures, religions and beliefs.  We are not perfect but we have desperately worked to move in a humane and accepting direction.  No westernized nation has elected, appointed and promoted such a diverse ethnic, gender, sexual orientation and religious leadership as has America.  Imagine that just this past January when our current Congress was sworn in they were the most diverse group of representative ever elected in the history of the United States of America all while our sitting President remains the first African-American President ever elected.  Understand this is not to imply that we can’t and shouldn’t continue to strive for greater inclusiveness but it ought to serve as a reminder of just how much progress America has truly made. 

For many folks, myself included, I see the progress that America has made as a great source of pride along with a tremendous recognition of just how marvelous our nation is.  But then as I seek to do nothing more than fulfill the ideals of a collective society based on the values of “Democracy in America” and to ingrain those values in my children I am confronted by open aggression not just to my beliefs but the institutions of justice in the United States of America when I am confronted with individuals who advocate not just changing our laws but to request local elected leaders defy those laws by giving adherence and acceptance to a “toolkit” intended to ensure cooperation from our local law enforcement is thwarted all under the guise of “compassion” while no respect or responsibility seems to be shown for the actual system of law and government we have in the United States.  Understand that I don’t make such statements lightly but I feel that I am compelled to believe such when I hear activist quoted as saying, "We're ready to fight, we've been ready to fight,"  Carolina Canizales, an organizer with the youth-led advocacy group United We Dream said. "We're no longer going to be defined by a court decision. We're no longer going to be defined by a policy."  Honesty demands that such statements are called exactly what they are; aggressive (“we’re ready to fight, we’ve been ready to fight”), dismissive (“we’re no longer going to be defined by a court decision”) and demanding ("we’re no longer going to be defined by a policy”) and unquestionably such things fail in showing any level of respect, responsibility, trust and help for the Citizens of the United States, the rule of law we all live under and the government we elect to represent us.  

I wonder what Robert Johnson saw?

Right, wrong or indifferent, I bet that he gained illumination.

While "crossroads" is a great song my favoriate by Robert Johnson still remains:  

Questions to Myself.

Life has become much like the Bill Murray film “Groundhog Day”.  Things bleed into one another from one to the next.  It becomes a routine, déjà vu almost.  One task to the next has become like the ticking of a clock.  Wake the boys, make breakfast, greet Laura when she arrives home, talk with Laura for a few minutes before she goes to bed and then it’s a cavalcade of task.  I look at the daily “job boards”, pick-up the house, do laundry, make lunch for the boys, make dinner and lunch for Laura if she must work that day and if the weather is nice enough take the boys outside to play.  The afternoon and night is the same, routine, déjà vu. 

The monotony of it all has given me a chance to contemplate many things once the boys go to sleep.  I think about; politics, social problems in America, sports, movies and most recently wondering just why I have so many “friends” on Facebook or "connections" on LinkedIn.  I have thought about that for the last couple of weeks and have come to the conclusion that I don’t have a clue.  I enjoy reading some of the updates, seeking the photos and I get a laugh from the videos that some post.  I guess being honest I also enjoy seeing the new things in former co-workers lives on LinkedIn but it’s when I close the laptop for the day that I realize just how much I truthfully question if I care anymore and  wonder just why do I have so many “friends” and “connections”. 

Social media can be a good thing but it can also be an amazing falsehood that serves only to make one feel better or more important than they actually are.  I think about my Mother and Father when I was growing up and somehow feel like they were more “grounded” then much of my generation, maybe even including me, as they seemed to grasp just what was and wasn't important.  We share our meals, our child’s daily lives, what conferences or training's we have completed, what new motivational speaker or sayings we like but do we or rather I, actually have ourselves rooted in what is truly important?  I have no clue.  Some days I think I do but other days, yeah, not so much.   

I know that I am guilty of posting the same things as others on Facebook (kid’s photos, stupid videos and so on) and oftentimes after doing it I wonder to myself “why”.  I have learned to justify it by saying that I tagged the kids Grandparents or Aunts in the post so that they can be informed with what is happening with the kids but really, I could do the same thing with an email even if it would take a couple of extra steps.  LinkedIn has become a little like a CD player for me, it’s around I just don’t use it.  As I started to sit down and write this I checked my last “update” and smiled when I realized that it was more than a month ago.   There was a time when I would check it every single day and make sure that I “congratulated” folks with a work anniversary, new job or title and of course birthday but now, not so much.  I sent out an email through LinkedIn to a little more than one-hundred of my “connections” back in January 2013 and again in November 2014 as I continued to search for employment and to be honest I received a grand total of seven replies and all but one was the “I wish I could help” condolence.  I think about that and I wonder, “what’s the point?” 

It’s hard to be honest.  Actually it’s (without being offensive) fucking soul crushing.  The day to day monotony that never changes in appearance and rarely changes in activity or function.  I have now been unemployed for the majority of time since October 2012.  Thirty months.  21,914.5 hours.  Damn. 

I think about it and I no longer have a clue as to what I should do, honestly, I don’t.  I think about my past and know that there was a time that I was employed not only full time but a time when I held two full time jobs at once.  I worked hard.  After spending four years on active duty in the Military I was able to graduate from college in exactly four years and one month from the date of my discharge.  Hell, by the time I was thirty-five I had been hired to be the Executive Director of a Non-Profit.   Now today at the age of 47 I can’t get a call back for even the most menial of jobs.  Damn. 

All of the “changes” have in many ways worn me down.  My credit score was once over 800 and I owned two homes.  Today, whew, I don’t even want to know.  Back in 2004 I cashed out a retirement plan to purchase a home and then with everything ended up losing that home.  I figured I was young and to be honest at the time felt like I had just taken what would be the last job I ever held because in truth, I loved it that much.   Then after a few surprises get dropped it forces change.  I found I no longer had a “social work” license in Michigan.  Not because I did anything wrong but because the fee to renew the license was never sent in and as my degree is in “Corrections and Juvenile Services” I am not actually “grandfathered in” for the new licensing requirements in Michigan so after 15 years working in that field you get closed out.  Then you find the surprise of a court order that demands back taxes from the City of Toledo.  The downside is that since you never knew you were supposed to go to court you have a default judgment against you.  Thankfully I was able to cash out another retirement plan and settle with them but in the end that’s just a short term gain long term loss to be honest.  It’s all frustrating. 

The good things are all thanks to Laura.  She is and has been amazing.  The truth is that I know I don’t deserve her and oftentimes feel like I am a drain on her.  She likes to tell me that I am getting the chance to be with the boys and to take care of them and I know that’s true but it's not what I want to be doing as a man.  I don’t have anything against a guy that wants to stay at home and raise his kids if that’s his choice.  For me it’s not a choice but something that has been forced upon me.  It makes me feel daily that I don’t contribute to the home and that I don’t do anything to truly be a father. 

Father, that’s another thing that annoys me.  Honestly, I am so tired of hearing from family and some friends on Facebook about how I am a “good Dad”.  I don’t feel like it and honestly hearing it doesn't change my thoughts and feelings.  I try to be respectful to people and I listen to them but in the end what my “mind” is telling me is that I am not really a good Dad.  While I am with Ethan and Ian daily and I see Jacob, Hannah and Knoah every other weekend, I contribute minimally to them through child support because of my job situation and when I am with them I feel guilty that I can do little for them or with them.  It’s debilitating to be honest.


Some days I will look at what people share and want to scream.  Look, I know that work can suck and that co-workers can be a pain in the ass but guess what - if that's really the worse problem you have things are going pretty damn good, ya know.


The thing is that I am not looking for sympathy or understanding or even for folks to relate to what I am going through.  We have all been in this position at one point or another I know that.  It's just that the question I have to ponder is if I really need to have just one more reminder of the unending repetition that is Monday - Sunday.  It's basically rinse, wash, repeat.  

So I wonder what the point of social media is for me.  I used to enjoy posting on a local bulletin board about politics, sports and so on but a little more than a year ago I left that board because one of the regular posters thought it was “cool” to accuse another poster of being a suspect in the killing of a child.  My reason for leaving the board was that if the moderators were not going to address behavior like that then did I really want to associate with a board that allowed such reckless accusations. (I should point out that the person being accused was not anonymous).  I am now thinking that with all things considered, social media is no longer for me.  I don’t see the point, to be honest.  Sure it has given me a chance to be happy for others and to enjoy seeing folks children as they get bigger but it’s also made me question the “value” of such connections for me.  Maybe right now it’s just me and I won’t discount that at all.  I know that I am in a rut, I get it, I accept it.  I don’t want to sound like I have embraced my “groundhog days” but I don’t see an alternative.  I was ran down recently on social media by Jacob, Hannah and Knoah’s Mother about the size of my contribution and as bad as I feel the reality is that my only defense is that I have applied for more than 2,180 jobs since Oct '12 and have went to interviews from as close to Dundee to as far away as Virginia in the hope of gaining a job!  Hell, in truth I have never been one to ask for help but as I said earlier I have sent out more than 200 emails requesting assistance and still here I am.  Groundhog Day.  It’s tiring.  It’s taxing.  It’s frustrating.  It’s angering.  It’s my life and I just don’t know if I want to share it on social media any longer.  Maybe someday things will be different but for now, I have a lot to think about and I certainly have the time to do so.  

For the last time . . . .

Over the last few years things for me professionally have be very difficult.  There are tons of reasons why and sometimes I feel like I am fighting a horrible losing battle to "fix" things.  It's hard when I think about just a few years ago I was in a very good position financially and professionally.  As a man it's sometimes debilitating when you're alone and think about how you are unable to do the things you want for your children.  You sometimes feel worthless and oftentimes begin to question yourself.  Being depressed about it is a daily occurrence  and fighting off those feelings to ensure you don't bring down those around is a task that consumes you hour by hour and minute by minute.  You feel minimized, You feel small.  You feel like a failure.  

But sometimes you are reminded of the good that you have and that you must count your blessings.  I have the greatest woman in the world in Laura.  She is sincere, loving, beautiful, supportive, helpful, insightful, happy, playful, talented and most of all the owner of my heart.  

I also know that I have five of the most wonderful children on this earth.  They are amazingly smart, funny, helpful, respectful and loving.  It's difficult to be a "stay at home Dad".  You feel "less" even though you are with your children daily.  To find the balance is hard.  

Last week I took the physical test for a job that I greatly want and will hopefully find out soon if I have been selected.  I want this position as much as I have ever wanted any job.  Being honest I know that it's not the "dream job" that I would love to have but I know that job will never occur for me again.  Yet I know that I need this position as it is stable and has wonderful pay and benefits.   I also know that if I am awarded the position I will miss out on seeing Ethan and Ian daily and that will be a loss.  

Laura shared this poem with me and I have been reading it over and over.  It has impacted me more than anything has in a long time and reminded me to keep in mind that while I am struggling professionally, I am a father and I love my children more than I love air itself.  

"The Last Time"  

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before, 
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will year for just one more day of them.  For one last time.  

-Author Unknown-

You can also find this poem at My Kids Time (blog). . 

Can we be honest? Please.

One-hundred and fifty years ago the United States was not so "United".  Eleven states decided that the didn't want the Federal Government to impose laws upon them that would change the way of life they had grown accustomed to and so they made the decision to secede from the Union between 1860-61.  The movement quickly gained momentum after the November 1860 election of  Pres. Abraham Lincoln and within three months seven states had voted to secede.

South Carolina was so quick to move that both Senators resigned before the close of 1860 (before the newly elected Pres. Lincoln had taken office) and on 20 December 1860 the South Carolina State Legislature voted 169-0 to leave the Union, almost 90 days before Pres. Lincoln would assumed office on 4 March 1961.  Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Louisiana and Texas would all vote to leave the Union before 1 February 1961 or 31 days before Pres. Lincoln was sworn in.  On February 4, 1861 these states met in Montgomery (AL) and created a government they named "Confederate States of America" (CSA) and elected Jefferson Davis as President of the CSA.

Sen. John J. Crittenden (KY), before Pres. Lincoln took office, proposed the 36 - 30 degree line all the way to the Pacific and making all territories north of that line "free states" and all south would receive Federal Protection and slavery would be allowed.  Ever single Republican in office refused to support this measure.  Pres. James Buchanan, who was still in office, felt the succession was illegal but did nothing and chose to allow the situation to marinate until Pres. Lincoln would be sworn in.

While many have made the argument that the desire to leave the Union was based on "states rights", an "overreach" by the Federal Government or even "taxation / tariffs" the reality is that nearly every state that voted to leave the Union included language in their Declaration of Causes similar to South Carolina which stated; "The right of property in slaves was recognized by giving to free persons distinct political rights, by giving them the right to represent, and burthening them with direct taxes for three-fifths of their slaves; by authorizing the importation of slaves for twenty years; and by stipulating for the rendition of fugitives from labor."   It was Jefferson Davis who said on the floor of the Mississippi Legislature in 1858 that, "It seems now to be probable that the Abolitionist and their allies will have control of the next House of Representatives, and it may well be inferred from their past course that they will attempt legislature both injuries and offensive to the south".  It's difficult for us to understand today but the reality is that slavery was an enormous engine of prosperity in an agricultural economy and any disruption would come at great cost to the slave holders.  If one looks at the 1860 US Census the fact is that there were 3,950,528 slaves in the United States and they accounted for 13% of the entire population.  To imagine simply allowing nearly four million workers "freedom" must have been a terrifying prospect for a community build on slavery.

Those are the facts.  It was understood that Pres. Lincoln and the Republican Party in office wanted to end slavery.  The congregation of folks that met in Jackson (MI) 1854 were specific with their intentions to end the humanitarian crisis that was slavery in America.  The southern politicians understood this and knew when Pres. Lincoln was elected that this ideal would be forwarded so too did the voters who elected Pres. Lincoln.  Pres. Lincoln took a firm position after the 1860 election that expanding slavery into new territory would not be permitted.

I am the forty-seven year old son of parents who were both born and raised in Kentucky.  Much of my family has a connection to the "south".  I have no clue if any of my family supported the Union or the Confederacy as my family history has not been well kept.  I know in doing my own research over the years that part of my family was considered by the US Government (1850 US Census Records) to be "non-white European", whatever the hell that means.  I know that I spent a good deal of my young adult life while in the Military and College in the South (N.C., S.C., GA and KY).

I love history and am proud of the fact that while America willingly engaged in slavery we also threw every bit of our dirty laundry into the streets and fought to end slavery.  We did so at the cost of more than 625,000 lives a figure that is higher than the American death toll in World War I, World War II, the Korean War, Vietnam War, Persian Gulf War and the War's in Iraq and Afghanistan combined. Slavery was and is wrong.  The southern states that made the decision to illegally succeed did so for one reason and only one reason - economics.  They did not want the Federal Government to change the use of slavery as it was the underpinning of the southern economy.

Today, 150 years after the end of the Civil War, when I see the Confederate Flag in a museum it reminds me of the most abhorrent time in American history and I am fine with that reminder in that context.  When I see folks using the Confederate Flag outside that context and then claiming it is somehow because they are "Southern by the Grace of God" or that "it's my heritage" all I can do is shake my head.  No person alive with any common sense can deny that the formation of the CSA was an effort to keep slavery not just alive but assured so that the agricultural economy of the south could be maintained.  As such the Confederate Flag represents the goal of allowing one class of human to own and control another.  There is nothing about that consistent with "God's Grace".

Some people do wear, wave or invoke the flag because they think it's about being a "rebel".  I can't and won't fault them for such ignorance.  It's the folks that are willfully oblivious to the very bigoted foundation of the flag and wish to evoke some grand "it's about heritage" argument that I find most confusing.  The last Civil War Veteran (Albert Woolson a drummer for the Grand Army of the Republic) died in 1954 some 61 years ago.  I doubt highly that most folks ever met Mr. Woolson or any other Civil War Veteran, The last American allegedly held as a slave (I say allegedly only because some have disputed), Sylvester Magee who died in 1971 (see note below).  There exist no argument that folks utilizing the Confederate Flag today are doing so only out of "history or heritage".  It wasn't until 1956 that Georgia changed their state flag and incorporated the Confederate Flag.  Mississippi adopted the Confederate Flag as part of their state flag in 1894.  Without question adopting this "symbol" wasn't about remembering or protecting history but about standing against civil rights.

Truth is the Confederate Flag is a symbol of bigotry.  It is a symbol of eleven states that chose to leave the Union because they did not want slavery to be changed as it would impact their economy.  As such those states willfully determined that it was more beneficial to keep other humans in slavery instead of granting them freedom.  That is the legacy of the Confederate Flag - period.  If someone is willing to embrace that honestly, OK, they have that right. However don't hide behind some grand ruse that it's only about "heritage" or about some grand "states rights".  It wasn't then and it isn't today.

Note:  Having read a ton about Mr. Magee, personally, I doubt that he was born in 1841.  It's difficult to believe that he lived to be 130 for me.  But there are many that accept the history as he shared it and I see no point in trying to argue against it without concrete proof.

An open letter to GHSD

Dear Grand Haven School District,

I really wanted things to work and be different.  I was supportive and tried to make contact.  When my three oldest children moved into your district in July 2014 I really hoped that it would be a wonderful thing for them and me.

I researched the schools my children would attend and emailed the three school principles in August 2014 to introduce myself and to give the school all of my information.

My emails were not ambiguous.  I didn't say that "maybe" I wanted to be informed or that I really "hoped" you would reach out to me.  I didn't infer that I was anything but a concerned father.

I wrote it off when my initial emails went unanswered for days, weeks and in one occasion months.  I figured that school staff were busy and I didn't want to intrude.  I wanted to be respectful.

I signed up for the weekly "email blast" that all parents receive from all three schools and then signed up for the ParentVUE so that I could track Jacob and Hannah's progress daily.  I was hopeful.

But hope fades when questions go unanswered.  Hope diminishes when concern is expressed that the grades your child is receiving don't really make sense and you fear they are just being "passed along" (it's difficult to imagine that someone can receive an F for a semester grade but get a B on the semester exam and then be awarded credit) and no answer is offered to this concern or the one that is ("the state mandates that if the student passes the exam they are awarded credit") is refuted by the folks (Michigan Department of Education) that as a parent, I am told are actually responsible.  I have learned that questions to HS staff means that they stop emailing.  Nice.  Thank you.  I was hopeful.

I have learned that when Individual Education Plan meetings are "scheduled" that I might receive email notification but I am not actually listed on the invitation as a parent.

Feeling "hopeful" and "supportive" is difficult as when you ask a simple question, like maybe why you aren't listed as a Parent, you are told that it must be a computer issue and that the computer actually has you listed as the adoptive parent ("It is also showing up as you as an adoptive father, that is not correct, is it?").  It's a weird irony to hear this.  It brings back a rush of things from 2001 when as the proud father of a young son (30 months) and a new daughter (five months) you are told that the child you are told is yours truly isn't but is the result of an 18 month affair.  I makes you think - really . . . . is there something I should know? Thanks.  

I have found that telling GHSD staff that no, you are not the adoptive father does get things "fixed" but they are repaired in a snarky, condescending manner that minimizes you.  While you are now added it becomes "biological father" as an addition and Mother stays simply . . . "Mother".  Nice.

But as a parent you want to stay "resilient" for your children.  You want to be involved and included even if you don't feel valued.  So you move on and continue to ask questions and raise concerns.  You contact people in charge to inquire not just about progress but why you are not being involved.

Resiliency, the ability to sustain or spring back into shape could also be seen from the sustained answers you receive from the professionals involved with educating your children.  As a father asking for an "update" you are told that you will be receiving contact from the educators involved and even given the caveat that if you don't to contact the person in charge.

Communication like this builds hope and expectation.  Until you sanitize them with reality and know that it probably won't happen.  Then when little occurs you contact the person in charge because again as a parent you want to be involved.  You want to be resilient.  You want a voice so you follow up.

Yet the follow up is not met with any expression that indicates "gee, this is not OK and we / I am sorry that our professionals are not keeping you informed or contacting you".  Instead it's met with another in a long line of inferred promises.

So you again, hope.  But then you realize that four days after you are told follow up would be taken and seven days after you were told the professional educators would be contacting you nothing has occurred.

Sure, I know that people are busy and that spring break is coming.  I get it.  I am willing to give people time.  But let's be fair, right, this isn't a "spring break", "semester grade work" or a "we've been busy" issue when it's been nearly the entire year.

But resiliency and the desire to be involved remains.  You hope that things will improve and you try to do the things necessary to have them improve.  You check ParentVUE often.

You try.  You want to remain hopeful and resilient.  Then it occurs to you that through all the un-returned emails and phone calls that even the ParentVUE system doesn't support you, as a parent, at actually knowing what's happening.  You realize your parent account calls for you to be notified when your child is tardy or misses a class.  When your child's grade book scores are posted and when your child's term grades are posted.  Then you remind yourself that heck, you haven't even received a grade card in the mail and not once have you received that Sunday email.

It's then that you realize your fighting a battle that's already won and in truth you have been selected as the losing party.  You have been deemed, overtly or not, as less worthy.  You are just the "adoptive dad" or "biological dad".  Nice.  Thanks.  Appreciated.

The good news out of this is that Jacob, Hannah and Knoah are doing well, in general.  I would love for better grades and am encouraging them but they all are attending school and making friends.  I am proud of them.

It's just that being ignored, minimized, dismissed as a parent feels pretty horrible.  You get angry.  You get determined to change it.  Then you just think, what's the point.  You know that if you push the issue you will only look like the crazy parent and whatever garbage the school has heard about me (and they must think something to list you me as "adoptive parent") will look to be true even when you know how absolutely ridiculously most of it is.  Truth is you know that as a Dad you're fighting a battle that can't be won.  Some mothers can and do say whatever they like to professionals involved in your children's lives and there is nothing that you can do to counter it.  Women are believed.  People have no clue about the "background" information they are given.  They have no clue about the deception and havoc that has been caused because of a persons lies and manipulation.

So you reach a point of resignation.  There is no value in fighting from afar by email or telephone.  It serves no benefit for my children and only serves to make me look like the crazy dad (er, adoptive dad, right?).

It's a choice.  GHSD has made one at three different schools and even with the ParentVUE computer system.  Sure I guess maybe it's just a "coincidence" that all three schools have treated me the same and that all three schools are just magically unprofessional in returning correspondence.  Yeah, maybe it's just a "coincidence" that the ParentVUE system doesn't send me updates.  I mean, maybe it's just happen-stance that I have not received a grade card in the mail.  Funny.

But in the end there it is.  So, GHSD, please treat my children better than you have treated me.  Thank you for sending a clear message that I am, for whatever reason, not as important to my children (which, btw . . . it's hilarious because Mary A. White Middle School continues to send out "Parent Blast" on the value of Fathers).  At the close of each night I know one thing, I have five beautiful, wonderful, intelligent children and three of them are miles away.  They are not my "adoptive" children they are mine.  I was present when each one of them were being carried by their mother (I would say "conceived" but that wouldn't be true).  I was there when each were born and held each of them moments after birth.  I raised them for twelve years in the home with their mother.  I worked a full time job and on two instances a full time and part time job to take care of them and during one crazy period two full time jobs in an effort to take care of them.  I painted their rooms.  I changed their diapers.  I read to them.  I played with them.  I took them for walks.  I did everything that I was supposed to do as a father and to this day I love them with everything in my heart.  Even if you, GHSD wish to minimize me as a parent the truth is, I have always been there for them.

I am disappointed and angry that GHSD has behaved this way but what really am I to do?  In the end, I know that Jacob, Hannah and Knoah are my children and I love them regardless of who tries to marginalize me as a parent, I know who I am.  In the end I am not angry at GHSD for taking the positions they have.  I get it, honestly, I do.  I used to be a licensed social worker and substance abuse therapist and understand how and why schools make the decisions they do.  They want to believe the "parent" they know.  I get it.  It's too bad they don't know the background on how lies and manipulation have harmed people.  They have taken my ability to work in my degree field and to support my children.  They have openly diminished me as a "parent" to my three oldest children.  They have . . . . . made me more cynical, bitter and uncaring then I ever expected to be.  So I don't blame GHSD entirely.  I am disappointed that they have chosen to act this way.  But . . . what to do?  Make noise about it and be the "crazy adoptive dad" . . . . nah.  No point.  I've been hurt enough and doing so would only cause problems for the kids.  So . . . . you move on knowing that some folks truly do walk through the raindrops and you hope that karma really is a b***h.  Sure, it's bitter and sure it's angry but it's also resignation that you are done fighting something you can't win and would rather let some cosmic force have a turn.

UPDATE:  I received an email from the Principal on 15 April but the contents were not about my children but rather a Lakshore Staff Member who was terminated after a police investigation found that he had inappropriate contact with one or more students.

Amazingly enough the comments on the news story discussed the photos of students that he had posted on his Facebook profile.  A simple search of his name (Dominic Ciccantelli) showed this to be true.  It raises questions to what the schools policies are regarding staff members taking photographs on school property and posting them on the internet without parents knowledge.  IMO, it show a very clear lack of leadership that a new staff member (hired in Nov '14) felt comfortable enough to take photos in the classroom, gymnasium and on field trips with either a camera or smartphone and was apparently not questioned about it.  More importantly it raises the concern, IMO, that Mr. Ciccantelli's behaviors were not questioned until after the police notified the school.  Exactly what was his supervisor doing to provide training and oversight?

Additionally the marking period ended on 25 March 2015 but as of today (04/16/15) the ParentVUE system is not updated nor have I received a grade card in the mail.  Honestly, how long does this take?

I then emailed the school to inquire about the continued lack of contact as I have not heard from the school or the principal since the last email on 30 March.  I also requested direction about the third marking period grade card.  I wonder how long follow-up will take or if I should just contact the superintendent and or school board?  Sure, why not, really what do I have to lose?  It's not like I can get less information, right!

Final Thoughts on the sham that was "hands up, don't shoot".

"A lot of good has come of the Ferguson protests, not the least of which is the Justice Department's report, which documented widespread, institutionalized racial bias in the Ferguson, Missouri police operation" so said Gabriel Arana in a recent column for the Huffington Post discussing journalist Johnathan Capehart's admission that "hands up, don't shoot" were a sham.  

What "good" has come out of the protest?  How many buildings / businesses have been destroyed?  How has this impacted the residents of Ferguson's shopping needs?  How have the property values been impacted?  What has the impact been on home owners or auto insurance rates?  

If the "good" is that people are now "aware" - really?  People, most people anyhow, already knew that bigotry existed.  The trouble is that in the case of Ferguson there was no bigotry regarding the case of Michael Brown and Darren Wilson.  The entire narrative of "hands up, don't shoot" was false.  People were hoodwinked, bamboozled into buying a narrative that turned out to be a lie.  That narrative polarized our nation.  Those that wanted to "wait" and see what an investigation showed were called racist.  

Regarding the Department of Justice - Civil Rights Division (DOJ-CRD) (DOJ report) let's review it and have a national conversation, please. But let's be honest and open about everything. 

First, let's turn the DOJ-CRD report over to qualified statisticians at an appropriate University that does criminal justice research. Is the report real? I have read all 105 pages of the report and do not believe that it would hold up to a true Chi Square analysis (mostly because it doesn't contain enough data to actually do one). The report does not contain any statistical data sets and bases everything off of the concept of "disparate impact". There is no argument that tickets issued were invalid only that more black residents were given tickets as opposed to other residents. 

The fact is, simply saying that 85 percent of vehicle stops, 90 percent of citations, and 93 percent of arrests are of black residents does not prove racism. The reality is that the DOJ's own Bureau of Justice Statistics’ 2011 Police-Public Contact Survey  (BJS-PPCS) shows that nationally, blacks were 31 percent more likely than whites to be pulled over for a traffic stop. Because the population of Ferguson is 67% black this would mean that black motorist in Ferguson should comprise 87.5% of all traffic stops and the DOJ report puts the number lower. While some will say the 31% shows "racism" by itself what they need to know is that the BJS-PPCS report also shows that 42% of all of those stops are of women and not black males. Further the DOJ-CRD report fails to mention the age of the population in Ferguson and that many of the non-black community members are beyond what most consider the typical age of criminal behavior (i.e. above 40 years of age). 

The DOJ-CRD report does not provide a matrix for what crimes were committed or why arrest were made nor does it show what the conviction rates are. The trouble with this is that (1) the DOJ had these records and decided not to share them, why? (2) The DOJ-CRD report offers no comparable rates for comparable crimes committed by white (or non-black) offenders. As such the "statistics" are nothing more than an unsupported statement. 

The DOJ-CRD report further asserts that the court / police set up a "revenue generating operation" with tickets and fines. The trouble here is that such a system is common in many communities and particularly in communities with a low (mil) tax base. I worked in and around the the Cities of Flint, Detroit, Saginaw, Grand Rapids, Kalamazoo, Benton Harbor and Port Huron for years and know that the same ticket, fine system is in place. In truth the City of Washington D.C., where the DOJ is located, has one of the most punitive systems in the nation and they are, like Ferguson, a black majority city but unlike Ferguson the City leadership is majority black. Google the case of Megan Johnson, a D.C. resident, who lost her vehicle after ten unpaid parking tickets. Her fines were doubled, vehicle confiscated and sold at auction and then her tax refund confiscated to pay the excess amount. 

If all of that isn't enough to raise serious questions regarding the legitimacy of the DOJ-CDR report the final issue, IMO, is the that State of Missouri AG Office has published a Racial Disparity Index for the last 15 years. That report (with index and matrix) is available online and in truth the rate of disparity has fallen in Ferguson for the last three years. Further, the adjoining communities within St. Louis County actually have a higher index rating than Ferguson (meaning more blacks are pulled over and ticketed). Is the DOJ-CDR report saying that the AG's report is wrong? 

It's important to see what the actual crime rates rate is in Ferguson and the surrounding communities (St. Louis County). This information can be found at another part of the DOJ; Federal Bureau of Investigation in the Uniform Crime Report. Those numbers overwhelmingly show that arrest rates for blacks in St. Louis County are far higher than those of other ethnic groups. Further the rate of offender / victim (who is committing a crime against whom) is also far higher for black on black crime than other ethnic groups. 

Racism is a very serious issue and a civil society should work to address the concerns. However claiming "racial disparity" and calling an entire department "racist" without quantifiable data is worse. It places a red letter of accusation on those allegedly committing the act without verifiable data and as such labels them "racist" without a reasonable accounting. For those that see this as a "good" what such things do is excuse the past behavior (tickets, arrest) as being only the result of racism when even the DOJ-CDR report does not allege this. 

I believe the narrative of this report was completed in a vacuum. The DOJ wanted to find something to support a supposition regardless if they could prove it or not. In truth the seven, clearly bigoted, emails that they found were from four years ago. The legitimate questions then are; why did those emails stop? Was the culture of the department changing and was that change coincidental with the hiring of the Police Chief who has now resigned as he was hired three years ago? Was Officer Wilson part of that changing culture as he was also hired not long before the emails ended? Is it a coincident that the emails ended during the same time the MO State AG's Racial Disparity Index shows that Ferguson's numbers were falling (unlike several of the adjoining communities)? 

Regarding Officer Wilson the reality is that the DOJ could find no evidence to suggest he committed a crime. Just as the State Grand Jury found. Just as the three autopsy reports found the physical evidence supported him. Yet, we are told that this event was the tipping point although we now known that the "hands up, don't shoot" narrative was completely false. How then are we being asked to buy into the narrative that a department shown by the MO State AG to have declining racial disparity numbers, with an apparent stoppage of bigoted behavior (emailed jokes) and with a newer Police Chief (who presided over the falling numbers) is racist. This simply defies linear logic. 

Where is the media in being responsible and examining this report? While several newspapers have questioned the report as of this time not one (minus the New York Post) has openly said the report is either "fake" or "unverifiable". Why? This is important. We are seeing an entire community (Mayor, City Council, Court, Police) all being thrown under the bus and called "racist" without any real statistical evaluation of the data. Regardless of which side you are on this is inappropriate and must be questioned.

But it goes back to the sell of the narrative.  We were all told about Mr. Brown just recently graduating HS and wanting to attend college.  We were told about his family being destroyed by his death.  Most folks waited with great concern to hear from Mr. Brown's mother and father and followed as they went to the Hague, presented themselves at events in Atlanta, Miami, New York and Washington D.C.  As a father you can only imagine the heartbreak the family is feeling.  But then the "narrative" is confronted with reality and you find:  

(a) Mr. Head (Step-father) and Ms. McSpadden (Mother) are being investigated for assault / theft after allegedly beating and stealing (money and "I am Mike Brown" t-shirts) from Michael's fraternal grandmother last year? BTW; just how long do investigations take in Ferguson that an incident from Oct 18, 2014 is still under investigation? 

(b) Michael's uncle (Leslie McSpadden) published the song "Mike, Mike" on YouTube before the grand jury decision was announced and clearly threatened to kill Mr. Wilson and burn Ferguson to the ground ("Darren Wilson I don't know if you listening, but I got a silencer so you can cancel Christmas, ketch you walk'in out the house and gift wrap you like it's Christmas", " "Darren Wilson you motherf-ing f(a)(g)", "If we don't get justice for my nephew Michael Brown, I put that sh(it) on Kaden we gonna burn this city down"). 

(c) Mr. Brown's step-father (Louis Head) the night the verdict was announced, "burn this (b)(i)tch down, burn this (b)(i)tch down". 

(d) The day after two police officers were recently shot in Ferguson Leslie McSpadden tweets: "Woke up in a GREAT mood this morning :-) 2 cops shot in Ferguson last night. You ain't seen shit yet wait till summer".  Understand this is "alleged" but after the threats issued in the Youtube song and the pending assault investigations it's not really a stretch.  

(e) Mr. Brown's uncle Leslie Lavon McSpadden tweets the day after the police shooting; "IF my FAM woulda got JUSTICE in August maybe those two cops wouldn't have got shot LASTNIGHT.  But if IF was a 5th we would all be drunk".  Understand this is "alleged" but after the threats issued in the Youtube song and the pending assault investigations it's not really a stretch.  It's uncomfortable to admit but reality tell one that it's reasonable to think, what really was the narrative and was it just a "sell" and if so why?  

Regarding the shooting of the two police officers it was initially reported that Mr. Jeff Williams admitted responsibility.  Then you start seeing that Jeff "Loc" Williams aka Jeff Dgaf Loc is a 20 yr old black male from St. Louis County. He is Facebook friends with Dorian Johnson and Piaget Crenshaw. Mr. Johnson was with Mr. Brown the morning of the theft from a liquor store in Ferguson and the subsequent shooting death of Mr. Brown by Officer Darren Wilson. Ms. Crenshaw was the witness that appeared on CNN and stated that Mr. Brown was shot by Officer Wilson while he was surrendering and that his (Mr. Brown) back was turned when Officer Wilson shot him. Both Mr. Johnson and Ms. Crenshaw were discredited by other witnesses and by the forensic evidence. 

Mr. Williams shared the a video reenactment of the Brown / Wilson conflict on 15 January 2015 with the comment "F-d up". The video has been widely discredited based on the eyewitness testimony along with the physical evidence however websites like "alwayz turn up" have been sharing it. 

Mr. Williams, like Mr. Johnson and Mr. Brown, had an affinity for Swisher Sweets cigarillos and on 23 January 2015 shared he desire to get high when he wrote; " Need swisher...cant sleep gas wat Ismoke". But smoking blunts wasn't Mr. Williams' only enjoyment as he wrote, "Codeine da. Only thing tht keep me away from da lies" on 28 Dec 14. 

Mr. Williams also had no problem threatening violence or saying that losing his life was of no concern to him. On 2 January he wrote;"It's so easy to take somebody life.... Bt y'all #$%$ scared to bang....smh........ Gotta Have da best of both worlds" which proceeded "Stop making threats cuz I swere I hate living......#$%$. shut up or kill me" from 28 Dec 14. 

Mr. Williams has uploaded several photos of himself (or others with him) throwing gang signs. In a post from 10 March 2011 he was given great advice by someone after uploading a photo of a gang sign by a user named Jessie Mooney that read: "Please dont tell me you are suppose to be in some type of game, Little man you dont know what road you are heading down Nephew. but i know you think you are grown up now, so it don't matter to you what i say. If you was smart you will not be putting these types of pic up on the net." So clearly Mr. Williams had people in his life trying to keep him from making bad decisions. 

Mr. Williams also shared that he has a son (born in 2012). Although he shared numerous post about getting high, various rap lyrics and other things he shared only one photo of his son in 2012 and nothing since. 

The point with all of this is (a) don't make your Facebook profile public. (b) don't post photos of yourself with drugs, making gang signs and so on for the entire public to see.  (for those that don't know the term "Loc" is most often a reference to "Crips" and means; "Love Only Crips").   

I am sure "protesters" will come out and say that Mr. Williams was not a part of what they are doing however just like his friends list how Mr. Johnson and Mr. Crenshaw it also shows several other folks who have been associated in the media with the "protest". So . . we will see. 

I feel bad for Mr. Williams. He is a 20 year old guy with a child along with an apparent drug and gang problem. Not a wonderful start and to now add firing a weapon into a crown and hitting two people. Damn.

But after being arrested and getting an attorney Mr. Williams story changes and it becomes how he was "beat up" by the police.  Maybe he was, no clue.  But, I sure hope Mr. Williams lawyer goes to YouTube and views the video, "RAW: Protesters fight outside Ferguson Police Station" by user DMailorinliespir1978. The video is from 12 March 2015 and appears to show Mr. Williams getting into a fight with a much larger man and getting hit several times. Might this explain the "bruises"?

So once again it becomes rational to wonder, are we being sold another narrative?  Honestly, when that question is asked (and given everything it should be) the real impact of the Ferguson protest has been to create a greater divide, to demand that black Americans commit to a particular narrative and if they don't they will be called names like Mr. Capehart was.  Finally, white Americans, many anyhow, simply don't want to say anything because they don't want to be called a "racist".  So, really, has any of this been "good".  No, I don't believe so.  Mr. Brown was killed and his family and friends will live with that loss.  Mr. Wilson will never get his life back and will never work in his chosen career field.  And you and I, mom and pop America are pushed further apart all because of a lie, "Hands up, don't shoot".  It never happened yet the damage is real.  Nice.